Tanner Andrews mug

Tanner Andrews

Just a couple of months ago, County Council Chair Ed Kelley was going around the county telling people that he was not bright enough to come up with a Plan B in case the sales-tax increase failed. Well, this is a rare occasion, but I have to accuse him of honesty.

It appears certain that Kelley and cronies are not bright enough to come up with a plan. When the tax increase failed at the polls, it surprised fewer than 10 people. Most of those surprised people are frequently found in the county building.

But, taxpayers are in luck! We have a backup plan. The County can stop approving development where the roads are inadequate. If someone really wants to pave more swampland, they can start by paying for the roads to reach it.

Normally, the county would hire a consultant, giving him $85,000 for such advice. But now, for the cost of a newspaper, the County Council members know the solution: Obey the growth-management statutes. Concurrency requirements forbid development without adequate infrastructure.

Indeed, from reading this newspaper, they just saved enough to pay for 25-30 Fishkind reports praising the County Council’s efficiency. A Fishkind report is every bit as reliable as a Daytona professional lady’s opinion that a tourist is handsome. They have the same underlying motivation, too.

In a way, I am glad that Honest Ed came right out and admitted that he was too dumb to be trusted to supply a Plan B. Sure, you might wonder if these folks are competent to be County Council members, but remember that most villages already have incumbent idiots and are not seeking replacements.

That means we are probably stuck with these seven. They are barely bright enough to read from the developers’ talking-points scripts. Higher taxes mean more development. If developers buy enough ads, then you should vote for increased taxes.

Eventually, under this plan, three quarters of the county gets covered in asphalt. The other quarter would be covered in Fishkind reports, explaining what a good job the County Council is doing.

The County Council would believe those fishy reports. They already believe we should pave the swamp. The problem is that the developers hate paying for roads, and we saw what they were thinking — Honest Ed spoke for the whole County Council when he confessed a lack of good ideas.

— Andrews is a DeLand-area attorney and a longtime government critic. For purposes of the column, he finds it convenient that there is so much government to criticize.