Rated PG-13 for some violence, language and adult situations

By Patrick Sessoms
Beacon Columnist

posted Nov 23, 2012 - 2:27:52pm

The final installment of The Twilight Saga has been unleashed on the hordes of screaming fans that will no doubt fill the theaters to catch a glimpse of a shirtless werewolf or an emotionally abusive vampire or whatever it is they find so appealing about the franchise.

Needless to say, this review isn’t going to change anyone's opinion and the movie is still going to do better than it deserves to; those who want to see it have probably already bought tickets.

All your favorite characters are back. There’s Edward (Robert Pattinson, who to his credit seems to hate the films as much as I do), who is even more pathetic this time around since he’s no longer the strong protector: His ladyfriend Bella (Kristen Stewart) has finally become a strong vampire. And of course, there’s Jacob (Taylor Lautner), the werewolf who has this weird attraction to Bella and Edward's young daughter.

But that’s not even the most disturbing part. The baby that Edward and Bella have is computer-generated. This abomination falls squarely in the so-called Uncanny Valley, a term for the phenomenon wherein the more lifelike the CGI is, the more disturbing it becomes to the viewer. So, this cooing symbol of Edward and Bell’s love stares back at you with dead, doll-like eyes, which seems oddly appropriate.

By now, you know the story. Bella can’t live without Edward. Edward is in love with Bella. Jacob is in love with Bella (and her daughter, apparently). In this iteration, they are threatened by the Volturi, which is like a vampire version of the Vatican, led by Michael Sheen in what is probably his creepiest role to date. There is an epic final battle, just like the trailer promises, but before you rush off thinking that the fight scene is going to make the film bearable, it doesn’t. It’s grotesquely over-the-top with people throwing each other through the air, but it’s got all the edge of the fights from West Side Story and apparently a wire team that has no idea what it was doing.

Director Bill Condon is back after Breaking Dawn – Part 1. This time, he still shows the same blatant disregard for pacing we saw before; however, in Part 2 he laid off the “sensual” lovemaking sequences that got Bella into this whole mess in the first place. Don’t worry, there are still a gratuitous number of close ups doing their damnedest to create intimacy between the characters, but their performances fight it every step of the way.

What you basically get is a film with actors who are as charismatic as mall mannequins, a director who has no idea how to create emotional depth, and a story that makes no sense. The only good thing about this movie is it’s the last of a series that only served to reinforce the notion that trash can still be profitable.

If you are looking for a good love story, please opt for something like Casablanca and don’t feed this monster.

Stars & Popcorn grade: 1 star, 1 1/2 popcorn

— Born and raised in the sunshine state, Patrick grew up loving movies. He’s currently attending the University of Central Florida and is a Cinema Studies major. Along with being the president of Stars and Popcorn, he’s a player in the independent comics scene.

Sponsored by Liebe Entertainment Group, Marketplace 8. Click here to see showtimes for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Visit Stars and Popcorn at www.starsandpopcorn.com

Patrick Sessoms — Born and raised in the sunshine state, Patrick grew up loving movies. He’s currently attending the University of Central Florida and is a Cinema Studies major. Along with being the president of Stars and Popcorn, he’s a player in the independent comics scene.

— info@beacononlinenews.com

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