Quiet Rockland Offers US$500 Reward For The Lawful Capture Of Congressman John Mica's Toupee

Like a midget wrestler would do in the ring, or like a B-List Hollywood fake-celebrity would do on the TMZ website, unabashed aeromercantile hawked-chicken Congressman John L. Mica (Florida, 7th District) decided to HEAD-BUTT a cameraman or two last night:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBhe7d36BHs

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Blotter/MoneyTrail/story?id=5707463&page=1

The incident occurred while Mica was caught trying to sneak out of a Tom Delay stealth perp-fundraiser in Minnesota. Supposedly, John Mica is still seeing purple after yesterday's Quiet Rockland blogged letters about Mica's hairpiece:

http://indictsturgell.blogspot.com/2008/09/congressman-john-micas-hairpiece-8th.html

These blogged documents were faxed, inter alia, to each of Congressman Mica's district offices. They were also distributed all over Florida, the District of Columbia, and elsewhere. Guess Mica didn't like 'em much.

Quiet Rockland, in turn angered by this obviously-intentional abuse of the media and the First Amendment, accordingly offers a Five Hundred Dollar (US$500) reward, payable through and including the date of the November 2008 election (New York time), to the first person who lawfully and legitimately traps, captures, and delivers over Congressman John L. Mica's ill-fitting, gravity-devying, entirely-preposterous hairpiece.

Please watch the video linked above. Mica runs the pattern like a former football player.

But why would he lead with his HEAD? He must be real confident in the application of his Topstick.

Also, we want to be very clear here that no one is asking anyone to make any unlawful conversion of property (even toupee-lifting, after all, is a taking of chattel, no matter how ugly the rug looks). No one is inviting any assault or bodily contact or anything like it (and in this case, if I were you, I'd be afraid of it).

However, it is entirely possible that someone might enterprisingly work out a method for the lawful taking of possession of John Mica's toupee. For example, Mica might accept a check. After all, Congressman Mica has accepted a check already from most of the relevant aero-mercantile interests in this country. You might get similarly lucky.